Baseball uniforms can be beautiful things. They can also be very hideous things. To wit:
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| There are so many things wrong with this. |
The evil four-letter network recently ranked all 30 MLB unis in a typical arbitrary ESPN style. The rankings were "based primarily on the standard home uniform," except that alternate unis could propel a team into the top 5 or drive them to dead last. To the surprise of nobody, the article has drawn criticism. Uniform rankings will always be critiqued, since beauty, among other things, is in the eye of the beholder. So rather than just rail against the ESPN rankings (even though railing against ESPN is always a good thing), I decided to throw together my own MLB jersy rankings.
To try to keep everything on a level playing field, my rankings are based only on the standard home jersey for each team--the one which can be purchased via the official MLB.com shop. That means road unis, alternates, throwbacks, hats, &c. do not factor into my list.
Here they are, from worst to first:
30. Miami Marlins - A hideous 1980's color scheme and uninspired block lettering make this almost the worst thing ever.
29. Philadelphia Phillies - The most feminine jersey in the MLB. That script looks like it came straight out of a middle school girl's love letter to Justin Bieber.
28. Cleveland Indians - Chief Wahoo controversy aside, this is a dull jersey with bland script that begs for a block letter ivory alternate.
27. Atlanta Braves - When it comes to uniform analysis, the Braves don't seem to catch as much flak as the Indians do. Isn't a tomahawk logo just as offensive as a Chief Wahoo?
26. San Diego Padres - You would think that the most expensive home jersey in the shop wouldn't have such bland and uninspired script/color scheme. The Madres should just go back to the retro unis.
25. Houston Astros - The odd colors, obtrusive pinstripes, and awkward script make for a bad combination. Again, the *ahem* unique throwbacks really are better.
